she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
