I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
