my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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