when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize