WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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