Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
