R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
