im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My bed smells like the plague
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
