Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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