Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
