You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
