i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
