Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
