This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
