I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize