I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
