saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
