hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
