I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
