so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
