Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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