I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
