just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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