I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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