wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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