also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
