He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
