there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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