the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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