So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
