i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
