My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize