You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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