they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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