There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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