How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she peed on how many people?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
