On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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