It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
