non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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