Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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