that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
