So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
