When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
