Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
