i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
