I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
