Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
