Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
