If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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