"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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