I have demons in me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
