if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
