the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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