Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we made out on top of his cat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
