drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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