i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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