Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
