The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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