and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
