is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
