Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
