I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
