I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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