I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
