just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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