Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize