Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
