I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
