are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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