so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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