My Higher Power is John Stamos
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
