i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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