Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
