My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
