nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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