All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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