I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
