true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
