I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize