My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
