***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
