just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize