blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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